nogginblock

Cross Roads.

2011-09-11T17:13:00.001+09:00

Lately when I write my words are band. My writing is directionless. The flood of expression that once used to flow out from the tip of my pen has depleted to a formless trickle. It's a repetition of writing, erasing, path searching.
Before when I wrote. it was more like a path making. I didn't stand on the cross roads, too afraid to pick which way to go. It was a path making; barging through the jungle to make a path to where ever i was headed.
Maybe the way I write is the same as the way I think.
Maybe right now, I7m too afraid to barge...
So I'm stuck at the cross road. Squinting at the horizon to try and find what it is that each path leads to.
All this squinting is making my eyes blur, and the only thing moving forward is time.

Japanese English

2011-09-11T17:07:00.000+09:00

So... lately... I can't write in English...
Neither can I write in Japanese...
Maybe I can't write, because I'm starting to think in Japanese, the language that i haven't mastered.
My brain constantly gets blocked because thinking in Japanese is a rusty procedure that I haven't smoothed over...

I guess I just have to master Japanese.

blank words. frank beauty

2011-09-11T16:53:00.000+09:00

When I write, my words are blank.

I try to write frankly but end up with meaningless sentences.

What I want to do is write about beautiful simplicity.

last day in Rwanda

2011-08-19T19:14:00.000+09:00

I wonder how many more "last days" I'm going to have in Rwanda.
This probably isn't my last.
But leaving a place you love, leaving the people you love, and having to say "see you" when you don't really have the 100% certainty that you will again...
Sure does hurt enough to be the last.

A pinch of selfish

2011-08-04T16:52:00.001+09:00

Perhaps I have this all wrong, and maybe you'll tell me I have it mixed up.
But I think true friendship needs a pinch of selfishness.

Break the rules a little to ask and hope for something you want in the other...even if you know it might be hard for the other to answer you.

To not be afraid to ask, coz you hope for a return.

But then again, you have to...
Give slack a little and give yourself out to answer the other.
To not be afraid to be asked, because if you have to... you can say no.

So I guess, if we all add a pinch of selfishness to friendship, it cancels out to make it all ok.

right?

efficient / hasty.......time consuming / leisurely

2011-08-04T04:21:00.000+09:00

After 30 minutes, two old Toyota minivans and a life time worth of car fume you can reach a downtown high school on the outskirts of Kigali. The high school goes from morning till evening and consists of about 10 to 15 students crammed into a single room. In this tiny room about the size of my bed room, there are a few rows of poorly constructed benches where the students squeeze themselves into. There is one hand made black board, which is more grey than it is black, that stands a little crooked at the front of the room.

I was asked to teach English there and during the first class I experienced quite a culture shock. Culture shock, not because the realities of the many people living in Rwanda were things I hadn't known, but because I had so gotten used to my smooth efficient life back in Japan.

For the lesson, I had been given a work sheet and on it were vocabulary words such as washing machine, dryer, kettle, vacuum cleaner, and dish washer. One of the students, Jean Paul, being curious about all these objects asked me to explain each object.

"What is mashing machine?"
"That is a machine that washes clothes."
"What is dryer?"
"A dryer is a machine that drys your clothes."
Realizing his grammatical error and probably somewhat confused at the necessity of these machines, "What is a kettle?"
"A kettle is a machine that boils, makes water hot."
"What is a vacuum cleaner?"
"It cleans the floor. It takes away dust from your floor."
"What is a dish washer?"
"A machine that washes your dishes."
"Teacher? Is it true that people have one television for each person?"
"A lot of times yes. What do you do when you get home?"
"I help my mother make food. I eat. I sleep. I have no electricity at my home."

The more I explained each machine, the more stupid I felt telling them that people can be lazy enough to make these machines and find it a necessity.

I find it somewhat ironic how all these electronics are offered to us to simplify our lives and add leisure. But then again, going home, helping make dinner, eating, and sleeping, sounds perfectly simple to me. Maybe its the things that take more time than necessary, that makes us realize the importance of simple leisure.

coffee beans and cement rain

2011-08-02T04:40:00.000+09:00

I like my coffee bitter and my rain sweet.

Out on the porch with my mug of coffee, I would watch the rain fall hard on the orange soil. The dust that lingered in the air would drop to the damp earth, captured in the droplets of water. As the orange earth moistened, it turned to a rich dark red. The earth would darken as the leaves on the trees lighted with refreshing green. In a way to thank the heavens for the reviving rain, the earth would sweeten the air with its rich aromas. It filled my lungs, watered my mouth, and seeped into the core of my bones. The sweet scent of Africa is all you need with a cup of dark freshly grounded coffee.

Here in Japan, I have the dark coffee from Rwanda... but only the cement rain to accompany it.

good byes and heart aches

2011-05-21T22:05:00.000+09:00

Each good bye ~~breaks~~ hearts. <3<3<3
or perhaps...
   its growing pains...

Coz the love that once sat right by
now squeezed itself tightly inside
that heart of yours...

You have to grow a little with each person you let into your heart.

goodbye,
   but welcome,
   to my cozy comfy heart